Taking Complementarianism Too Far
I am a complementarian. I believe the overwhelming witness of the Bible asserts the truth of male headship (although headship often does not mean what many take it to mean), and I believe complementarianism reflects underlying truths found in many other doctrines, such as the order of creation, the Spirit as helper, the Son's voluntary submission to the Father, and the Church's relationship to Christ.
I believe in the beauty and balance of complementarianism. There is greater beauty when two things that are unlike join and work together in harmony than when two things that are alike do the same. Like the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night, so too did God give two lights to govern and have dominion over the world. But that doesn't make the lesser light any less important or valuable. In fact, it is the lesser light that lends significance to the greater light; what would the greater light be if it was paired with an equally great light?
I find the arguments in favor of egalitarianism (e.g. Deborah the Judge, women being the first to witness and report the resurrection of Christ, Priscilla and Aquila, "no male or female" in Gal. 3:28, etc.) to be unconvincing, irrelevant, or taken out of context. Even the arguments of eminent theologians like NT Wright in support of egalitarianism seem to me to fall short.
“As with any doctrine, complementarianism can be taken too far, and in many cases, it has.”
That said, I lament over how complementarianism has been implemented in many churches. As with any doctrine, complementarianism can be taken too far, and in many cases, it has. There is nothing in the doctrine itself to warrant the intentional or unintentional limitation of women from growing into all that God is calling them to be. And yet, this is what I see happening in many complementarian churches.
Clarifying the Boundaries
There are many forms of leadership in the church. The only leadership roles that God reserves exclusively for men in the church are elders and teachers of men, and perhaps deaconship (this last point being debated among complementarians; see here and here).
That leaves every other form and role of leadership open to women. And yet, in so many complementarian churches, women are relegated to child care, kitchen duties, prayer, and playing keyboard at the back of the stage.
God has endowed women with as much gifting, skill, and leadership ability as men. The only difference is that men are specifically called to lead in a family and church context (hence, male headship), and women are specifically called to play the crucial supporting role, without which men could never succeed. Families and churches simply could not function without the ministry of women; their role is that important.
“It is for the good of the church that women are equipped and empowered to be all that God is calling them to be.”
Given the choice between weak, underdeveloped women and strong, fully developed women, I'm sure God would prefer His church to be filled with the latter. He calls all of His people, male and female, to grow into the measure and stature of the fullness of Christ (Eph. 4:13).
It is for the good of the church that women are equipped and empowered to be all that God is calling them to be. To fail in this is to fail in our discipleship toward 50% of our members.
What Female Leadership Ought to Look Like
As stated above, there are many significant roles women can and should play in the local church. Women can preside over services, facilitate staff meetings, MC conferences and events, host guests, conduct workshops, speak on organizational leadership, write books, give testimonies, lead worship, provide counseling and therapy, manage finances, captain mission teams, head committees, manage church-related businesses like publications and coffee shops, or run church-affiliated nonprofits.
It is a tragedy that so many women in conservative churches are limited to such a narrow range of roles. It is an even greater tragedy that many of these women have come to believe that traditional, domestic roles are all they are good for or capable of. Traditional roles simply do not afford enough opportunities for women to develop their many gifts. As a result, women believers often feel trapped, limited, unchallenged, unappreciated, and unfulfilled. Is it any wonder why so many women who leave the church throw themselves headlong into radical feminism?
“I long to see the church led by strong, mature men and supported by strong, mature women.”
I long to see the church led by strong, mature men and supported by strong, mature women. These days, it seems we are lacking in both. It is to our detriment that women are held back and not given the opportunities they deserve. There is no reason complementarianism should stand in the way of women being equipped and empowered and held to the highest standards and expectations. In fact, complementarianism demands that women be discipled and raised to be the best helpers and supporters they can be, not mediocre ones.